Self-Defense

I took a free self-defense training offered by my employer last night. There have been several assaults downtown lately and I'm thankful that they offered it.

I have been a scared person my entire life. I have always been a person who lets things happen to them. I can't be that person any longer. I want to be brave. I must fight for myself and my family if the need ever arises. I hope that more women learn to protect themselves.

The gentleman who taught the class repeatedly stated, "We could show you 1000 ways to get away from someone but most people forget 70% of everything they learn right after they learn it. It's better to be aware of your surroundings at all times and never let someone get close enough to grab you. If you're grabbed, you're in trouble."

And they told us to keep our keys, phone, and ID on us and not in our purse. I do this with my keys and phone all the time lately, but only sometimes with my ID. I choose my clothing based on whether or not it has pockets above comfort or style. And for as long as I work downtown, I will continue to do so.

If someone grabs you, hit them in the face repeatedly, one palm after the other until you have enough space and are comfortable enough to turn around and run.

But basically, never let anyone grab you.

They also talked about not wearing clothing that was too big for you because that gives people something to grab onto. It made me wonder if that's part of the reason female fantasy warriors are clad in bikinis--nothing for their opponents to hold onto. Well, if I woman was writing the story anyway. :)

Being Me

I've struggled my entire adult life with being myself. Why? I'm starting to boil all of that down. I do not believe what I want to do is important. I believe I should do what ANYONE else thinks I should do. I am deathly afraid of confrontation.

I'm strong when I'm alone. I cave when I'm in the company of others. I want to be strong in the face of anything that gets thrown at me. Instead, I let go of control and go along with the wishes of others so I don't have to risk getting yelled at by them. No one has yelled at me in years, but I'm still afraid I will be yelled at. Emotionally, I am a child. When it comes to dealing with money, I am a child. When does the fear stop and the living begin? How about today?

Today I am grateful for my life, not afraid of it. Today I will do something that I want to do, after all, it is what we do everyday that is more important than what we do once in a while.

Where Have I Been?

I've been busy trying to fit more into my day, but no longer. After the move I started getting up earlier and earlier in order to practice yoga, walk the dog, write, get ready for work, etc., but no longer. My energy level was so low that I would fall asleep in my son's room while trying to get him to sleep. Last night I decided, it's not worth it. Not only am I not being present when I'm with my son, but I cannot stay focused and I'm not very creative throughout the day. So I set my clock for 6:15 vs. 5:30 and ran the dog rather than walked her then got around for work. I ate my breakfast and only ate breakfast, I didn't look at the clock and say, "oh, I've got plenty of time so I'll read while I eat breakfast." Nope, I got everything done that needed done and got out of the house. I'm hoping this will lead to more blogging and enjoying my days more.

Next steps: Get to bed earlier & somehow convince the dogs they don't want to go outside at 3:30am and again at 4:15am.

Change is Constant

I didn't mean to be gone for so long. I didn't mean to write almost nothing in the past few weeks. I didn't mean to change my life completely. But all these things happened anyway.

My family is in transition. We have vacated our house and are now living in an apartment. We are selling off a ton of large items and will be paring down other small items in our journey from a 3 bedroom mobile home with 10 acres of land, to a 2 bedroom apartment with a 10 foot patio. What will become of the house? Likely it will sit on the hill until it breaks in half, slides down to the bottom, and is reclaimed by nature. Then that piece of land will be truly beautiful again.

We tried to do a lot with that land. We wanted to grow our own food, and before I become vegan I even thought about raising chickens. My husband and his brother planted over a hundred seedlings last year. I worry about those seedlings. They are small and the grass around them is high, what if in a couple years when the legal mess settles, the new owners bring in a brush hog and clear the land not knowing there are pine, birch, maple, and oak trees trying to gain ground? Well, my husband has come up with a plan, a tree rescue sale. If you are interested in taking part, post to my facebook page and I will give you details.

It's all Connected to Myth

I was looking around the computer room this morning. It has become nothing more than a place to put things we don't want the baby to get and the toys we take from him because he's using them to hurt/threaten us or the dogs. There's no room for my books so I have been making the pile smaller and smaller whenever I can. Today I saw Transformations of Myth Through Time by Joseph Campbell. I bought this book years ago hoping to read it and get ideas for fantasy novels I would then write. "Hmm," I thought, "I probably won't be writing fiction anytime soon, I want to concentrate on studying yoga right now. I should get rid of it." So I picked the book up and started flipping through the pages in hopes of convincing myself to part with it. My eye lands on this line: "So the function of yoga is to release us from the time-space commitment, introduce us to the transcendent." Holy crap! So I continue to flip and see the word yoga mentioned several times. I finally read the Table of Contents and find:

• 7. From Id to Ego in the Orient: Kundalini Yoga, Part I
• 8. From Psychology to Sprituality: Kundalini Yoga, Part II

Wow. Talk about finding what you need when you need it. There are also chapters on Buddhism, Native Americans, and King Arthur. I started reading the book immediately. Here is a quote from the first chapter (In the Beginning: Origins of Man and Myth.)
      "When one can feel oneself in relation to the universe in the same complete and natural way as that of the child with the mother, one is in complete harmony and tune with the universe. Getting into harmony and tune with the universe and staying there is the principal function of mythology."

I am going to enjoy reading this book.

Wordless Wednesday

Time for Gratitude

I read the book The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin at the end of last winter. I made plans to start my own happiness project and then made it impossible to get to the monthly lists that I spent so much time composing. Part of the lists were in a notebook buried in the piles of the computer room and the other parts were on the computer which was having troubles so I didn't dare turn it on. I decided there were more important things to worry about so I just went back to trudging through my life, most of the time on autopilot.

So when I read the July 30th post, Follow a Threshold Ritual, I thought, I can do that. This will not only make me appreciate all the wonderful things in my life more, but it'll increase the mindfulness I've been cultivating the past couple of years. Now I just need to make a list of trigger events/times, and actually keep the list out where I can read it, until I have a habit formed.

When I write, I will remember how fortunate I am to have gone to a good school with excellent English teachers.