I had a flashback to Middle/High School gym class last night. Not so much the visuals, but the feelings. I didn't do well in gym class. I was one of those kids that never knew the game being played and was always picked last for teams. So why did I get those feelings? I am doing a 30 day trial at a martial arts studio in my hometown and was in a room with people who would never talk to me if they weren't being told to, and I was expected to join in and do the routine even though I had never seen the routine done before. I wanted to go into the corner and cry. I wanted to stop, but I kept going. I'm not sure that continuing to do something that makes me feel like a kid is the way to get more self-esteem.
After I returned home I said to my husband, "I need to weigh whether it's worth it to be away from you guys just to feel like I'm in gym class again."
Am I willing to go back a few more times? Is this a way to find my right path? I won't know until Monday rolls around again.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Self-Defense
I took a free self-defense training offered by my employer last night. There have been several assaults downtown lately and I'm thankful that they offered it.
I have been a scared person my entire life. I have always been a person who lets things happen to them. I can't be that person any longer. I want to be brave. I must fight for myself and my family if the need ever arises. I hope that more women learn to protect themselves.
The gentleman who taught the class repeatedly stated, "We could show you 1000 ways to get away from someone but most people forget 70% of everything they learn right after they learn it. It's better to be aware of your surroundings at all times and never let someone get close enough to grab you. If you're grabbed, you're in trouble."
And they told us to keep our keys, phone, and ID on us and not in our purse. I do this with my keys and phone all the time lately, but only sometimes with my ID. I choose my clothing based on whether or not it has pockets above comfort or style. And for as long as I work downtown, I will continue to do so.
If someone grabs you, hit them in the face repeatedly, one palm after the other until you have enough space and are comfortable enough to turn around and run.
But basically, never let anyone grab you.
They also talked about not wearing clothing that was too big for you because that gives people something to grab onto. It made me wonder if that's part of the reason female fantasy warriors are clad in bikinis--nothing for their opponents to hold onto. Well, if I woman was writing the story anyway. :)
I have been a scared person my entire life. I have always been a person who lets things happen to them. I can't be that person any longer. I want to be brave. I must fight for myself and my family if the need ever arises. I hope that more women learn to protect themselves.
The gentleman who taught the class repeatedly stated, "We could show you 1000 ways to get away from someone but most people forget 70% of everything they learn right after they learn it. It's better to be aware of your surroundings at all times and never let someone get close enough to grab you. If you're grabbed, you're in trouble."
And they told us to keep our keys, phone, and ID on us and not in our purse. I do this with my keys and phone all the time lately, but only sometimes with my ID. I choose my clothing based on whether or not it has pockets above comfort or style. And for as long as I work downtown, I will continue to do so.
If someone grabs you, hit them in the face repeatedly, one palm after the other until you have enough space and are comfortable enough to turn around and run.
But basically, never let anyone grab you.
They also talked about not wearing clothing that was too big for you because that gives people something to grab onto. It made me wonder if that's part of the reason female fantasy warriors are clad in bikinis--nothing for their opponents to hold onto. Well, if I woman was writing the story anyway. :)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Being Me
I've struggled my entire adult life with being myself. Why? I'm starting to boil all of that down. I do not believe what I want to do is important. I believe I should do what ANYONE else thinks I should do. I am deathly afraid of confrontation.
I'm strong when I'm alone. I cave when I'm in the company of others. I want to be strong in the face of anything that gets thrown at me. Instead, I let go of control and go along with the wishes of others so I don't have to risk getting yelled at by them. No one has yelled at me in years, but I'm still afraid I will be yelled at. Emotionally, I am a child. When it comes to dealing with money, I am a child. When does the fear stop and the living begin? How about today?
Today I am grateful for my life, not afraid of it. Today I will do something that I want to do, after all, it is what we do everyday that is more important than what we do once in a while.
I'm strong when I'm alone. I cave when I'm in the company of others. I want to be strong in the face of anything that gets thrown at me. Instead, I let go of control and go along with the wishes of others so I don't have to risk getting yelled at by them. No one has yelled at me in years, but I'm still afraid I will be yelled at. Emotionally, I am a child. When it comes to dealing with money, I am a child. When does the fear stop and the living begin? How about today?
Today I am grateful for my life, not afraid of it. Today I will do something that I want to do, after all, it is what we do everyday that is more important than what we do once in a while.
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